I left Loyola Hall exactly a week ago and I miss the nuns. I miss walking alongside them. holding their hands (which were really soft) and wishing them peace. I miss the oportunities to be helpful to the older sisters and i miss the way my face illuminated whilst simply watching them. Most of all i miss witnessing their astonishingly deep and commited relationship with the living christ. All this and i never spoke to them. They were also on the retreat with me and my group of five. I came to know these five people in a remarkable way. At first it was strange. Waiting for a kettle to boil or toast to toast in silence with a stranger can be awkward but after a day or so you knew these people. In a truthful way. No airs or graces. No talking about jobs or marraiges or anything that is 'wordly'. You got to know the person God created. Their clumsyness at the dinner table, their natural concern for others. You could tell when they had been challenged and you could tell when they felt renewed. Most of all i felt their kindness and prayers for my journey. They all took on a different role for me in my retreat. Rachel would often share the same prayer space as me and i would feel immediately comforted with her being there. (She was also known for the odd card of encouragement under my door. )Looking at Helen made me think about the diversity of christians. Linda would wink at me and give me the occassional hug. My spirit felt aware of her prayers for me. David was my chapel pal and Sarah reminded me of the freedom there is in christ.
My spiritual director was always spot on. Sister Anne and the other Jesuit nuns follow the exercises of the wise St. Ignatious Loyola. His spiritual exercises are based on using the Gospels and your visual imagination to draw closer to God and to identify your own life issues through the process. It was a very emotional and awakening experience. Sister Ann gave me three exercises per day which i spent an average of three hours on each. Reading the scripture, meditating on it, concluding it and sometimes putting that message to canvas or clay. The most amazing experience i had was meditating on blind Bartimaeus ( Mark 10:46-52) I wont go into details but this reads to me as a determined man who is spiritually blind due to false truths and ignorance. Attacked and held back by his community ( or symbolically the falsities from below) we find that true faith is not timid. A desperate and isolated man with an honest heart who calls out to the lord. I still meditate on this scripture because it continues to speak to me. It gives me hope and allows me to see the truth that has hold of me and not the truth i hold onto.
I am so priviledged to have had this opportunity. My relationship with Jesus has really flourished. I witnessed his humour and wit for the first time at Loyola and it was probably the happiest moment of my life. I have realised that not everything had to be amazingly significant or life changing. It's the little moments and the ordinary times with him that are just as amazing. If i concentrate i can feel his precense in the noisiest and manic of places as well as the silent peaceful ones. He was always my Lord but since Loyola he has become my best friend. Getting to know him is fantastic and it gets better and better.
Since Loyola i desire to broaden my spirituality. I want freedom to roam. I see all christians as my brothers and sisters not just the denomination I am associated with. I want to know what the neighbours are up to. I see it as my duty to explore the ways my family worship our shared father. I love the colour and diversity of christians and i don't want limits to my faith. We can all learn of each other. It is ignorance and falsities that have kept me segregated. I now trust my relationship with God and I trust my instincts. Both of them tell me to search for a spiritually peaceful existence. Am not really sure where to start but for the first time since i have been a christian i feel comfortable in saying I am doing just fine. God is with me. There is no rush. Tiny steps.
My spiritual director was always spot on. Sister Anne and the other Jesuit nuns follow the exercises of the wise St. Ignatious Loyola. His spiritual exercises are based on using the Gospels and your visual imagination to draw closer to God and to identify your own life issues through the process. It was a very emotional and awakening experience. Sister Ann gave me three exercises per day which i spent an average of three hours on each. Reading the scripture, meditating on it, concluding it and sometimes putting that message to canvas or clay. The most amazing experience i had was meditating on blind Bartimaeus ( Mark 10:46-52) I wont go into details but this reads to me as a determined man who is spiritually blind due to false truths and ignorance. Attacked and held back by his community ( or symbolically the falsities from below) we find that true faith is not timid. A desperate and isolated man with an honest heart who calls out to the lord. I still meditate on this scripture because it continues to speak to me. It gives me hope and allows me to see the truth that has hold of me and not the truth i hold onto.
I am so priviledged to have had this opportunity. My relationship with Jesus has really flourished. I witnessed his humour and wit for the first time at Loyola and it was probably the happiest moment of my life. I have realised that not everything had to be amazingly significant or life changing. It's the little moments and the ordinary times with him that are just as amazing. If i concentrate i can feel his precense in the noisiest and manic of places as well as the silent peaceful ones. He was always my Lord but since Loyola he has become my best friend. Getting to know him is fantastic and it gets better and better.
Since Loyola i desire to broaden my spirituality. I want freedom to roam. I see all christians as my brothers and sisters not just the denomination I am associated with. I want to know what the neighbours are up to. I see it as my duty to explore the ways my family worship our shared father. I love the colour and diversity of christians and i don't want limits to my faith. We can all learn of each other. It is ignorance and falsities that have kept me segregated. I now trust my relationship with God and I trust my instincts. Both of them tell me to search for a spiritually peaceful existence. Am not really sure where to start but for the first time since i have been a christian i feel comfortable in saying I am doing just fine. God is with me. There is no rush. Tiny steps.
1 comment:
fab! xxx
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